I'm a mother and I love kids. I really do. And I'm good with kids--I've only known a few who weren't taken with me like I was with them. I say this because I know this topic is likely to be a touchy one and I want you to know from the get-go that I'm not against kids.

But there's a time for children and a time for adults. I've never understood people who take their children with them everywhere. (I've had people bring them to parties without asking, and on occasion people have even brought their animals to my house without asking, so I suppose a credible argument could be made that I know some rude folks). I realize it's not always easy to get a babysitter, and I'm shocked when people tell me what they pay for a babysitter these days, but here's the bottom line: If your kids are going to be in restaurants, you need to be sure they behave. They need to use inside voices, they need to stay in their seats, they don't need to stand over the back of the booth and talk to other diners (yes, I know this is cute sometimes, but it should stop after a minute or two). But I'm sure we all agree on those basics, and I'm certain that most people here also agree that of course children have to go to restaurants because after all, if they don't dine out, how will they learn to appreciate the experience? And we want that for everyone.

Here's where it gets weird for me. When children are around, I feel that adults should behave in a certain way. I'm obviously not talking about using foul language or otherwise behaving boorishly. I don't think that you necessarily want your children listening to people talking about politics or religion, as my friends and I often do, spiritedly sometimes, when we dine. I'm dead certain you don't want them to hear me gossiping with my girlfriends--we tell it like it is when we get going. You might also not want them to overhear personal family conversations, about my grandfather in a nursing home, about how age has been cruel to him. Or to see me moved to tears talking to a friend about the dog I'd recently lost. Tears, I said, not blubbering.

I bring up these specific topics because these are ones I've been aware of having when I've become aware that children are listening. I try to be careful and will modify conversation if I feel it's necessary, but really, it's up to you, not me, to monitor what your children hear, just like you monitor what they watch on television. But I don't want to feel inhibited from having comfortable dialogue with my friends or family. 

That said, when it comes right down to it, I'll side with a mother in a restaurant--as long as she's trying to control her kids--before I will someone who confronts her. One of the rudest encounters I've witnessed was at a Japanese restaurant last year. A family with several young children occupied the largest table in the place and while the kids were making noticeable noise, they weren't being rude and it was a restaurant perfectly suitable for young children. While her husband was paying, the mother was trying to soothe a fussy baby--not a screaming baby, just a fussy one--and get the other kids ready to leave.

Two women at a nearby table were intolerable. They started off by loudly complaining about how she couldn't control her children, then they tried to stare her down, then--and oh! they were waiting for this--when she apologized and said they were leaving as soon as they paid, they tore into her. She didn't take the bait, but that didn't stop them from saying over and over how rude she was, asking questions like "Don't you see how rude you are?"After they left, these women STILL didn't shut up. They complained about the mother (but not the father; hmmm), then about management. I doubt they were, but they should be truly embarrassed and I've written about this before, hoping that these women see it and recognize how foolish and boorish they looked.